Javier Lee

2009-02-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了
我知道自己在你心里已不重要
虽然我们曾经相聚过
也许对于你来说
已经没有什么值得回忆
我带着一颗沉重的心走了
我知道自己没有勇气道别离
虽然我们曾经拥有过
但是对于你来说
已经没有什么值得回忆
难道早以注定
不能真正拥有你
难道我真心付出一切
只为了承受孤单和寂寞
我知道你不敢对我坦白
是不要看到我的伤怀
虽然你没有说要离开我
我已经感到你不再属于我
如果你还爱我
你不会对我如此的冷漠
又怎会让我在漫漫长夜独自徘徊
如果你还爱我
你不会对我如此的冷漠
我只能含着眼泪
默默的离开

*I am willing to be your eyes. Never seeing each other but always there.
*I am willing to understand.
我会含着眼泪, 默默的离开.

First overseas Talk in Vietnam, HCM City, 8th-11th Dec 2008'~ Pictures say it all~

2008-12-20T07:10:00.000-08:00

<>~~~ Final night in Vietnam, HCM @ Sofitel Saigon, ~~~~<><>
Thank you vietnam!!

<>~~~ Yanyan's sharing; you totally awe the audience ")~~~<>

<>~~~ It's Time!~~~<>

<>~~~~~~~ 1 Hour before the Talk~~~~~~~~<>

***A huge BIG Thank you to Angeline who made this possible! ; Lan for being our local guide and helping me with everything, from the talk's logistics and admin to our well-being in vietnam!!

*** Also to Kang and John who helped me with the preparation work. From the very start to the finish man!!. As always, Bros, wouldnt have done nothing without you guys!!

*** And of course, you:

"yanyan, thank you"..

xin chào, tôi yêu Vietnam~~

2008-12-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

I'm back!!.. It was an incredible trip.. The motivational talk went on very well! I will update more in details when my photos and videos are ready..

Here's the music i used for our visualisation journey which made a couple of them teared~~.. I said it before, i'll say it again: " Tears are not signs of weaknesses, they are signs of being human. and we are all but just humans!"

Wish - S.E.N.S.

5 years vs possible ?

2008-11-05T07:11:00.000-08:00

Its been a crazy but very meaningful and fulfilling 1 month. I've been very busy with training and speaking work. Our own company's projects and my corporate training engagements. Hence the lack of updates and blog entires!

I do have alot to blog on what i did: {Victoria School Camp Bridge, Chongfu and Greenridge Primary Leadership programs; Corporate workshops on Mindset shift for senior workers=> from NEA, MOE, Tien Wah Press etc, as well as the areas of presentation skills and Worklife balance}

but right now, Im scared!..

My heart scan result is out. And despite all the positive thoughts and energy i put in to myself; as i spoke of in my previous entry below, it's not looking good.

Well I've got only 5 years left.. if my valve strength do not improve by then. And they're looking at a possible valve replacement operation by the end of 2008.

Im still holding on even as i admit that its really a blow and huge upset for myself. It just suxs.. big time in fact.

BUT,

I guess its still a choice i gotta make now:

1) Ahh.. gees.. what a freaking result., life suxs and it is so unfair to me! So i will give up all now.

2) There's still hope. It aint over yet! The crucial word to focus on is "Possible" and not "5 years"
The next advanced scan to determine the condition of the valve is early dec! And they will then decide again. So, all is not lost.. not yet, my friends!

别忘了，我是一只打不死的蟑螂！！！

So, my dear friends and readers, I think you probably know what my choice is! ..

pressing on,
")
Javier.

Lets talk about the moments in life! ==>Heart Scan on Friday!

2008-10-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

"Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away."

Suddeen thoughts on moments came up and i ponder upon:" what are the moments that are truely important in our life?" "Moments which we truely remember fondly or even with pain?"

-Do I remember my PSLE results?... Nay

- Do I remember my exact grades for my O levels? ...ummm, Nay

- Do I remember my CAP score for my first 3 semester, for instance, in NUS?..lol.. sorry but Nay

- Do i remember how much was my first speaking fee?...well...Nay too

However,

*Do i remember the moment when i finished my PSLE and went out for A&W( yes, they were still around in my era!) with my friends?... Yea, with chong hwee and jieqi!!

* Do i remember the many moments of sweat and glory during my NCC days in Anglican High?where we ran, trained, shoot M16 rifles and shouted in camps?... hell yes!

* Do i remember the moment when i decide that i have a choice to make in my own life, and finally broke out of the inferior, self-pity state i was in after 5 years?... yes i do~

* Do i remember the moments when a mum came up to me with tears thanking me after my talk, as well as the teenage boy who just held my hand firmly, followed with a hug? ( he didnt say nothing.. he doesnt have to anyway)... yes i remember these precious moments!

Yeap! I recall all those moments! i guess some would probably think im not practical or just having the 阿Q精神..

Well, if thats what makes me; ME.. then yea i guess im an impractical person then.. LOL..but Javier's Javier...ya know..

Well,
Im going for my cardio follow up this friday, with a scheduled heart scan .

^Am i worried?.. yes i am.

^ Am i worried to the point that im not doing anything untill the results are out?.. of course not!

^ Am i going to be fine?... I aint sure but i think so...

^ Am i goona choose to believe that im going to be fine?... yes i am!

Why?

Because it just makes me happier this way! To Believe that my happy grateful self, together with my uplifted spirits are going to make my heart stronger,

both physically and metaphorically!!

")
Javier.

2008-10-11T21:49:00.000-07:00

Olivia Ong - A Girl Meets Bossanova

A woman~~~ her story.

2008-10-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

She was born into a rich family in the 1950's. Her family owns acres of fruits plantations, including durians, jackfruits and rambutans. Her father started out as a karang guni when he was only in his teens. Therefore, he truly is a true blue 白手起家的企业家！。

However, fate has it for her not a life of riches and luxuries. She was indeed born with a silver spoon. But alas, she was born as the 7th consecutive daughter of this family. As much as her parents wanted to keep her by their side, her grandmother insisted in giving her away! She wanted to buy 2 boys back as grandsons instead!

And so, she was given away to a family from a kampong. The couples brought a son from Malaysia and were childless since. When she arrived, her foster Mum got pregnant and everyone rejoices on how she’s the lucky charm of the family.
But, 10 months later, when the baby boy arrived, her father passed away suddenly from an acute illness! Now she became the curse to the family. What the villagers called “克父女”！。

Fortunately, her foster mum was a very strong and understanding woman. She never did believe in these superstitious stuffs and they moved on with their lives. Was there grief? Of course there is. But with grief comes the appreciation of life as well. Life as a samsui woman and odd laborer was tough but she brought up these 3 kids nonetheless.

When this girl became a teen, she knew how hard her mum worked. She dropped out of the chance to advance to secondary school. Instead she started working as a maid for a foreign family in their mansion. Coming home only once a month, she brought back home all 13 dollars of wages.

Slowly, this woman grew up to be a very independent person, grounded with firm life values and principles. Even without any formal education, she later went on to work in a fabric factory. Of course Singapore underwent dramatic changes in the 60’s and 70’s. They moved to a 2 room flat and life was simple and plain.

She met a man at a friend’s bbq dinner and fall in love at 24. It was both love at first sight and both their very first relationship.

Love blossoms and 4 years later,

She got married at 28. Had her first girl at 29, 2nd boy at 30 and the youngest darling princess at 34! A small family who resided in Tampines since!

While raising her own family, she was a 酿豆腐 hawker, a seamstress and a waitress. She’s been a waitress since till today.

You see, my friends, here is a woman born rich, lived poor, and without much formal education! By a lot of aspects, she’s nothing near remarkable success or societal status. She has no grandeur dreams of owning a property, having neither an investment portfolio nor a German car. She is contented with watching hokkien operas on DVD and having her family, healthy and safe, by her side.

But to me, I’m very very fortunate to know this woman. In fact, we were very close for the past 24 years! That’s right, this woman is my mum. And to me, she’s the most beautiful, successful and strongest woman ever! She’s been through so much tough challenges in her own life.

And I believe many of you would have known that I’m not an easy kid to raise either. A thalassemia minor since a toddler, I’ve been on regular check ups to the hospital. Taking medications every day. But I did grow up to be a fit and healthy boy... Until when I’m about to reach age 16.

I suffered a massive stroke that left me paralyzed on my left side and unable to speak... On 12th Oct 1999’, weeks before my Os level. And it was with no known causes to my condition at such a tender age too!!

Throughout this tough and difficult journey, she was always there for me. I had 2 subsequent relapses; one in 2005, when i was paralyzed from the neck down , on adults diapers and unable to speak yet again. And of course the depression episode after that. And my recent relpase in june 2008!; to which they doctors had no explanations as well.

~~Day of my discharge in Dec 1999’. I was still wearing my white plastic leg brace splint on my left leg!~~

Times when I have given up, she held on. Times when I broke down, she remained strong like a rock. Times when I was struggling with bad thoughts (suicide attempts!); she kept her mind calm and still.

~Times when i frowned, she's always with a smile.. => Mother Day's celebration in 2003 “(

This woman, whom I can never ever replay her. I called her Mdm Poh, Mi Ma (instead of Ma MI); I want to tell her how much I loved her! And how much I am grateful to be alive so that I can replay and give her a good life from now onwards.

~~Smiles aplenty now!! => Mother Day's celebration 2007' ")~~

She cannot understand English and there is no way she can read nor understand this, my very first blog entry, dedicated to her.

But I believe there are words that can be felt even without knowing the language. And that, my dear friends, is the word of love and gratitude.

")
Javier.